Note this is the first blog post containing information that did not make it into the book. Be sure to lease your comments about this chapter that did not make it into the book......

Grief in the Workplace

Over the past four years, I’ve had the privilege of connecting with many widows and grievers through social media and a coaching group I joined. The stories I’ve heard from these new friends are both heartbreaking and deeply inspiring. At the same time, I’ve become painfully aware of how grief-illiterate our society can be—especially in the workplace.

One bereaved mother was asked by her supervisor to remove a small, professionally framed photo of her stillborn daughter from her cubicle because it “made others uncomfortable.” Another widow requested to shorten her lunch break by 30 minutes so she could arrive later and get her children to school—a role her late husband once filled. Her request was denied. One woman used her FMLA time caring for her dying husband, only to be denied leave when her parents later needed her. With her income cut in half after her husband’s death, resignation became her only option.

These stories are not rare. And they are not okay.

As an employer, supervisor, or coworker, it is crucial to provide a supportive, open, and flexible work environment for those experiencing loss. Start by reviewing your company’s bereavement policies. If none exist, ask questions—because the absence of policy is unacceptable. Even when policies are in place and the laws are being upheld, they often fail to address the ongoing needs of grieving employees after they return to work.

This is where breakdowns happen. Expectations go unspoken. Needs go unmet. Awkward interactions increase. Morale declines. But it doesn’t have to be this way.

Here are a few ways I have noted that we can make this incredibly hard experience a little more manageable; I would love to hear your ideas and experiences:

1. Acknowledge that loss changes everything.

Some deaths drastically alter a person’s role overnight. Flexibility should not be optional—it should be expected. A surviving spouse may now be a single parent with double the responsibility and a significantly reduced income. Someone who loses a parent or sibling may take on caregiving roles within the family. And the loss of a child? That is a life-altering devastation beyond words.

Flexible hours, incremental return-to-work plans, telework options, and additional breaks can make a meaningful difference. Grieving employees are not only processing loss—they are often managing funeral arrangements, legal matters, financial transitions, and major life restructuring, all while trying to remain employed.

2. Manage expectations—yours and theirs.

Do not assume that when someone returns to work, they are “back to normal.” Grief doesn’t follow a timeline. Research suggests that individuals experiencing intense grief may function at about 70% of their usual capacity in the first six months. Compassion and realistic expectations go a long way.

3. Ask—don’t assume.

If someone is widowed, ask what they prefer to be called. I remember an administrative assistant who immediately changed my title to “Ms.” without asking. I am still proud to be a “Mrs.” Small details matter. Let the grieving person define what feels right for them.

4. Make space for their story.

If they want to talk about their loved one, allow it. Even better—gently invite it. Ask if they’d like to share. Every grief journey is different. Respect their choices with normalcy and kindness.

5. Check your grief literacy and biases. 

Avoid comparing their experience to your own—or your lack of one. Saying, “I only took a day off when I lost someone” is not helpful. Grief is not a competition. Be mindful not to project your beliefs onto their experience. And please—don’t “should” on them.

6. Create an exit plan for difficult moments.

Work with the grieving employee to develop a simple, agreed-upon way for them to step away when needed. A phrase, signal, or plan can help them leave a triggering situation with dignity. My former superintendent had allowed me to support colleagues returning from bereavement leave—offering my office and even covering their classroom if they needed a moment. She really "got it!" That kind of leadership matters.

7. Respect the line between curiosity and intrusion.

There is a difference between compassionate curiosity and harmful nosiness. Grievers know the difference. Before asking a question, check your intention. Are you offering support—or seeking a story to share? Being judged is one of the most common fears among those who are grieving.

We can do better. And we must do better! 

Because grief doesn’t clock out at 5 p.m.